| Imagine the shadow of an eclipse spreading over vast green terrains.
It has fallen to a point where the only moment I felt happy throughout the day was the thirty-something minutes after a workout at the gym, and even that is bio-chemically induced.
I wonder what went wrong, or, what is missing. |
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| Yesterday night I attended LHT's HTN at the spur of the moment. As my friends would readily respond, it was not allegiance which motivated that decision nor was it, as is the reason for most alumni, for the purpose of a reunion with my previous hallmates. As you would have it, it was simply random. I thought I could revisit my freshman year or the relatively happy memories formed thereafter with the coming of that special someone.
So it was, in a slapdash fashion we drove to Pokfulam. Even before we arrived, I felt nostalgic driving along Pokfulam road at night - every Sunday night my parents used to drive me back, and every time our car turned the juncture at the gas petrol station, my heart would flutter at the thought of being able to spend yet another week with her. Yes, I was truly blessed. As my sister put it, I hardly experienced the usual loneliness of people who dorm away from home.
The HTN ceremony itself was predictable. Groups of people huddled together in mysterious clouds of part criticism part surveillance part casual chitchat.
Natalie made a grand entrance I suppose and she quite enjoyed herself mingling with her peers (I can never mingle with mine I don't know why).
I never fail to spot her amongst crowds - her shoulders made the shining exception - and found myself at ease just knowing she was flittering about the tress and the bees. I love that part about her. The comfort, the absolute security she gives me even when she is out and about hobnobbing with friends or associating with strangers or even people who took a fancy on her. It was all normal landscape, and I always felt that this is how we would be in the many years to come, when our careers and a stable group of friends are established, there we would be, I remaining ever so reticent in the shadows while she takes the spotlight, socializing on behalf of the both of us.
Well the important thing is she always finds me even before I start to fret about losing her trail. A look, a simple brush of the hand, a smile or sometimes a rather angry beckoning which reads "why are you always so anti-social!?". She never leaves me, and she always comes back.
When we were about to head back, she suggested taking a cab instead so I can head home directly because she knew I was ill and drained of energy. Of course I would not allow that, but this is Natalie, always feeling like she has a duty to take care of me.
Parked at her house, I closed my eyes for a brief second and uttered under my breath that I could fall asleep anytime. She took this for real and her eyes became an instant red when she thought about her beau dozing off at the wheel. Silly pea.
I still remember the first thing you said when you got into the car last night.
You said, "I'm happy, even if only just to see you for a while", and you gave me the most dazzling smile and your signature kiss.
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| There are some things that will never change in life, one of them being the irresistible attraction between us and the power of a love that could surpass the fiercest, most unsavory segments of our relationship no matter the circumstances surrounding it.
An uphill battle it was and yet amidst the struggling there seem always this certainty that in the end, the crimps would straighten themselves and whatever abrasion would be obliterated when confronted with the persistence that rests upon the beds of our hearts like two ends of a magnet.
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